Sara Widdowson

"...Sara actually is not some "obsessive person", as she just did critically observe of this page as I am typing it, so let me clarify the issue of just who Sara is.

Sara grew up in Maryland, winning a bunch of trophies as a child for riding horses, and then won a bunch more trophies for winning beauty pageants during High School. Now she's in college, and her major is Sociology, a fact which I thoroughly have issues with.

Originally, Sara was a music major for some bizarre reason, but now all of that has changed; she is at this time a music minor. In fact, Sara is quite the accomplished vocalist and also is talented with the oboe, being a member of the Symphonic Band of Bridgewater College.

As far as cars go, Sara used to drive a very nice 1995 Pontiac Sunfire sedan nicknamed Susie until she crashed the funk out of it and then had a very nice ball of scrap metal nicknamed Susie.

Seeing as how Sara was apparently incompetent driver of sedans, her mother did the smart thing and replaced it with a truck. It is our great hope that the next time she decides to go play in the ditch with her automobile while driving at 45 mph, she can just tear up the ditch, and not the vehicle in question.

When I asked Sara about the actual wreck, all she could remember was something about suddenly being hot and turning on the air conditioning. After calling the police for more precise details, it turns out that Susie had one hell of a death. Apparently, while having one of her trademarked "spacing out" episodes, Sara attempted to trade seats with her dog, and then commanded her poor dog to drive the car for her. Court appointed psychologists have thus far expressed the theory that perhaps Sara's experience was the result of a second personality 'asserting' 'herself' and/or 'himself' for the first time. In Layman's terms, the 'Right Sara' simply didn't know what the 'Left Sara' was doing.

Or perhaps a more clear definition would be that the Right Sara didn't know what the Wrong Sara was doing; in any case, the American Journal of Modern Psychiatry has issued press releases with details of the October issue that will feature a fold-out map detailing the theoretical adventure wrought by 'Wrong Sara'.

The dog did quite well at operating the motor vehicle, better than Sara normally does, until it saw a cat and attempted to chase the frolicking feline with the car. Now mind you, this event did not happen until after the dog had driven Sara all the way from the beltway of Washington, D.C., to just under 15 miles from her house.

While Sara was still being "...interrogated by some rude alien on isle five" and feeling "catatonic but wired all at once", the dog spotted a stray cat chasing a squirrel which was chasing a runaway acorn. Not wanting to miss out on all of the fun, Sara's dog drove into a field and proceeded to chase both the cat and squirrel for some 10 minutes without a hitch.

But then, it all went wrong.

The transcript of the police station interview had some disturbing yet charming quotes that I feel would be best put to use on public display: "...all I remember is visiting Mars, or maybe it was the Midlothian Big K-mart...I just remember seeing way too much Red. I mean, maybe that would have flown in late 1996, but come on now, this is 1999! Wait a second! Oh God, Communist Aliens must have kidnapped me!!!" After being mistaken by three Capitol Beltway drivers as being a "stolen corpse" for some two hours, Miss Widdowson suddenly comes back to reality to realize that she's laying down in the back seat while her dog is chauffeuring her back home. Panicking, as people like Sara often do, she grabbed the wheel and instinctively turned the wheel sharply to the right, since she figured that whatever was happening, the dog was doing something wrong, and that turning the wheel "to the right" would have to fix things and re-establish safety in the situation.

Oh, was she wrong. She turned the car, traveling at some 50 mph, right into the main entrance of the Somerset County Regional Incinerator Facility for Solid Waste and Rubbish. Cruising right into the main incinerator, Sara then lost all touch with reality once again and thought that she was "...in some sort of disturbing car wash". Feeling the heat from the 1000-degree flames roasting her car, she instinctively reached for the air conditioner control, and, turning on the ventilation system, proceeded to cause flames to blow out of the vents in the dash."

- written in March of 1999 at Bridgewater College, where the webmaster first met the lovely Miss Maryland.